I think Pinterest and I are starting to have a love-hate relationship. The other day, I was scrolling along, innocently pinning my way through a bunch of Sherlock-meets-Bilbo fandom pins, when suddenly, this monstrosity showed up in my newsfeed thing. Apparently it was recommended for me because some Facebook friend of mine pinned it or something.
Initially, I thought I would be able to pull a Frozen and just “let it go,” but alas, I can’t.
So, I will write this as a letter to the individual(s) who pinned it.
Dear Uninformed and Grossly Mistaken Person(s),
You’re wrong and, quite possibly, ignorant. Don’t worry though, ignorance is forgivable. Lemme break this picture down for you, in limerick form.
“This pin is a contradiction,
Your thoughts need constructive eviction,
It’s wrong and malformed,
Perhaps you’re just misinformed.
Maybe you have a drug addiction.”
“Judging is simply forming opinions,
I dislike cardigan-clad Virginians.
I just judged the apparel,
Of the cardiganed Harrils.
Be informed and smart, not one of the minions.”
“To decide what one deserves,
You must get over your war of nerves.
To say someone has fallen,
Is like hating Joe Stalin,
Just like stating that a woman has curves.”
“Judging is only opinion forming.
Can you feel your mind transforming?
To restore the broken,
Get off the crack you’re smokin’.
This limerick has been quite informing.”
Okay, I dislike limericks. I’ll try a freestyle rhyming poem instead.
Your job is to judge, not to sit at your computer eating copious amounts of fudge.
Judging helps us decide things, like who should be hired to do Simba’s voice in the next Lion King.
Obviously we all have different levels of broken, however, some of us are about as useful as a bent subway token.
How did I determine if we’re useful? I judged, and that’s far from being untruthful.
You’re incredibly skeptic, like Doubting Thomas, but I won’t lie about this, that I promise.
You’re incredibly contradictory and mistaken, worse than those vegans who eat copious amounts of bacon.
This whole thing may sound kind of disconcerting. But by definition, we have to judge to decide if someone is fallen, broken, or hurting.
Do you like this poem? Is it poorly constructed, witless, or bad? You can’t answer that question without judging. Do you find that sad?
Judging is fun, soon you’ll see. Before you know it, you’ll finally be honest with yourself about judging people, including me.
Okay, now I’ll try a classic style of poem.
*bongo drums fade in*
Roses are red, violets are blue,
I judge people, and you do, too.
Violets may be blue, but orchids are yellow,
If you actually think you don’t judge people, then you’re quite the ignorant fellow.
Orchids are yellow, but they can also be brown,
You swearing that you don’t judge makes me irked, so I frustratedly jump up and down.
How do we know the arbitrary colors of these flowers?
We formed an opinion based on facts, by using our critical thinking brain superpowers.
So, misinformed and slightly anonymous Pinner, you judge. Actually, I can prove it: Any opinion you’ve formed from reading any of this means that you had to judge. Oh, and deciding to not have an opinion requires judging and then choosing to have the opinion of being un-opinionated.
Congratulations, I have liberated you from your pseudo judgment-free mind.