The Toddler Chronicles, No. 21
I put up the outdoor Christmas lights today, and Lyla had concerns.
It snowed a couple of days ago, probably three inches if I had to guess. Then I went tromping through the yard and driveway with the snowblower, and later played in the yard with Lyla, so all the snow got packed down, thawed a bit, and then refroze. Now parts of the yard, driveway, and deck are a little treacherous.
It’s okay though, because I’m a big strong man.
But I digress.
Anyway, I climbed up onto the snow-covered roof and put the lights along the shingle edge and gutter like a good, responsible, festive homeowner. I didn’t do the upper tier of the roof; that part is about 10 feet higher and has an aggressive concrete driveway below to break my fall—not a soft, pressure-treated wood deck like the other part of the house.
I may be a big strong man, but I’m not completely fearless. However, I will admit that while I was up there, I had a brief flashback to that scene from Tim Allen’s The Santa Clause where he startles Santa and Santa falls to his demise in the yard. I understand how Santa slipped now. Snow-covered shingles aren’t exactly traction-laden. I get it.
After the lights were up, I moved on to the inflatables. I’m not sure when we turned into “inflatable people,” but at some point over the last few years, it happened. I’m still not sure how I feel about it, but Gabby assures me it’s fine.
Oh shoot. I forgot to add the Christmas Harry Potter inflatable to the Grinch, Max the dog, and Sky the dog collection. Dagnabbit. I’ll do it tomorrow. Moving on…
I didn’t realize how many she’d bought last year during the post-Christmas sales at Menards. The two notable additions this year are a 5-foot-tall Highland cow dressed as Santa and a smaller Highland cow that looks like a calf when it’s standing next to the big one, also dressed in a Santa hat.
At first, I had the smaller cow set up right beside the big one. Like a cattle herd army of two, but then I had an idea: put the cow on the roof.
So I tossed it up there, climbed back onto the roof, and inflated the baby cow.
Then I had another thought: that chimney doesn’t get used at all and just so happens to have a convenient way to secure the cow to it. So I put the bovine balloon right on top of the chimney.
I finished the lights and went inside to brag to Gabby about my inflatable-cattle ingenuity, and Lyla said, “How will Santa get down the chimney if there’s a cow blocking it?”
We told her Santa would just move him over and come down like normal, and that seemed to appease her… or so we thought.
Fast-forward a couple hours. Lyla, Charlotte, and I had just parked in the driveway after her Jiu-Jitsu class and she said, “Dad, there really is a cow on the chimney! You really put a cow on the chimney?!”
I said, “Yeah I did. It’s really funny because cows don’t usually belong on chimneys.”
“But Dad,” she said, “how will Santa get down the chimney if there’s a big cow in the way?”
“Oh no, the cow will move or Santa will move him. Inflatable cows are easy to relocate. Plus, with the cow being there, Santa will know exactly where the chimney is, so he won’t have to look for it. Kind of like in The Santa Clause movie we watched at Grandma’s the other day.”
“But that wasn’t the real Santa. That was just a movie… okay. As long as you’re sure he can make it down the chimney to bring our presents and not slip and fall.”
I reassured her that Santa typically wears anti-slip footwear and can definitely move an inflatable cow. She seemed content with that answer.
While walking through the yard, she walked over to the big cow, patted it’s hindquarter, said, “Hey bub,” and then went inside like it was a totally normal thing do to do a cow.
All of this from the same child who, two days earlier, when we were playing in the snow, made a snow angel and said, “Dad, Adam, Dad! I’m going to do an upside-down snow angel. Watch this!”
Then she proceeded to go face-down in the snow to do a face-down upside-down snow angel.
