Let's Digress

I Hate the State of the Union Address

I’m currently watching the State of the Union address.

I hate it.

It doesn’t matter to me who the President is, which political party has the majority, or who is in power. I loathe the State of the Union address.

It’s just terrible. And obnoxious. It’s like the Grammys but with elected officials whose terrible policies and agendas may actually impact my life against my wishes.

Additionally, I hate the pomp and circumstance and celebration of the presidency and the elevation of the executive branch of the government. I hate that the President has special people in the audience who are mentioned at key points in their address to score political points. I hate all of the clapping and standing and clapping and standing and clapping and standing. I also hate the applause lines which precede the clapping and standing and clapping and standing.

I wonder how long the SOTU would be if they removed all of the clapping and standing and pausing for effect. If I were elected to high office, I would ban applause lines and clapping and standing.

The best music concerts I’ve been to have been sit-down concerts where nobody stands. That’s how I would run the SOTU address.

Actually, I have a better idea: Thomas Jefferson didn’t do a SOTU speech; he submitted it in writing. That’s a platform I could get behind. All SOTU address would have to be submitted in writing and be less than three pages in length, much like how proposed legislation bills ought to be.

It’s been my opinion for a long time that our elected officials should be viewed more as plumbers who are hired to do a job and then go away when it’s complete rather than as pseudo-royalty who just happen to be elected every handful of years and then spend their time spouting platitudes, hollow promises, and proposing legislation that would molest my liberties.

Well, that certainly felt cathartic to type.

Now, you may ask, “Adam, why are you engaging in this political masochism? It clearly isn’t healthy for you emotionally.”

I do this because Gabby asked me to.

She requested that I watch it and report back to her how it was so she wouldn’t have to watch it.

As the doting husband to the best wife of all wives, I’m honor-bound to comply with such outlandish wishes. For those of you who are unaware or uninitiated, a big part of marriage is sacrificing one’s own personal comfort for their spouse’s benefit. This is one of those times.

Some have called me a hero for such selfless acts. To those people I say, not all heroes wear capes, but sometimes they do what their very pregnant wife requests and then post about it on the internet.

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