ORLANDO, FL—Earlier this week, a Let’s Digress reporter sat down on the University of Central Florida quad for an interview with Donny DeBrolo, better known as “The Premiere Powerline Impersonator,” and discussed how he has been revolutionizing the college experience for outgoing seniors.
When asked how he came to be a full-time Powerline impersonator, DeBrolo replied, “Nah, man, it’s simple: If the squeaky wheel’s always gettin’ the grease, I’m totally devoted to disturbin’ the peace. And I’ll do it all again when I get it done, until I become your number one.”
“Did you just paraphrase the Stand Out song lyrics?” The reporter asked him, befuddled.
“It’s more than just a song, bro; it’s a lifestyle choice. That’s why I wear this yellow jumpsuit and these glasses and this hairstyle,” DeBrolo stated. “Some people settle for the typical things, livin’ all their lives waitin’ in the wings. But it ain’t a question of if, just a matter of time before I move to the front of the line.”
DeBrolo went on to elaborate that he first tried performing his Powerline routine for middle school kids at annual Sadie Hawkins dances, then went to high school winter formals, only to realize that they were all too young to know what A Goofy Movie was or to fully grasp just how “the real Powerline” had impacted America’s youth in the 1990’s.
“Yeah, man, once I realized the younger kids weren’t as classically cultured as my generation was, I had to increase my target audience age bracket,” DeBrolo continued. “I’m mainly doing shows for college seniors right now, they really get it. And in-between shows I’m grinding hard with my Vemma side hustle, I’m entrepreneurial like that. But I think within the next five years or so I’ll probably have to increase my target audience age bracket again. So I’ll most likely be doing shows for generic coffee house baristas or performing at Tony Robbins conferences. Now those guys know how to get down with classic Powerline jams.”
DeBrolo finished the remaining 48 minutes of the interview attempting to sell nearby college seniors the sports drink while serenading them with Stand Out lyrics and an air guitar.