Good evening everyone. Yes, it is still snowing outside. If it’s snowing inside, then you have a personal problem. There’s roughly 10.5 inches of the white fluff stuff in the greater Indianapolis area. Thank you for tuning into Tangent Trails, your pseudo-ultimate weather authority. I’m Adam, and I’ll be your expert amateur meteorologist person for the evening.
Tonight, it’ll snow some more. Tomorrow, it’ll continue to be cold. Don’t act surprised. Come on, this is Indiana, we all know about the weather here by now. If you don’t, check out my last blog.
Tomorrow, it will be cold. In the negatives, actually. It’ll be negative 14ish in the morning, but don’t worry! By Tuesday morning it’s supposed to warm up to positive 8 degrees. Don’t even get me started on what the windchill is right now and what it’ll be tomorrow. It is and will be cold. Like… cold enough to make the Sarah Palin family go all Luke Skywalker on the nearest Alaskan-equivalent tauntaun.
That’s pretty cold. And I’m probably gonna regret that comment later. Good thing I have a snow fort to hide in. I call it The Snow Shack. It sounds tropical, but it’s not.
I have taken the liberty to compose a list of helpful things to do during this time snowiness.
1) Wear a helmet.
2) When trying to drive in the snow, don’t. Borrow a friend and/or family member’s DUI scooter instead, it’ll be more fun.
3) Do not wear flip flops. Not because it’s cold and you might freeze your feet off, but because the flippy floppy noise drives me insane. Sandals are acceptable though.
4) Don’t shovel your own snow. After weather like this, there will definitely be misguided teenagers trying to make “easy” money coming to your door more frequently than the Jehovah’s Witnesses. Just make sure you answer the door for the money hungry teens. They’ll do your entire walk and drive way for $20. Sure, it’ll probably be a sub-par job, but it saves your the hassle. And the joke will be on them because this snow has a few inches of ice underneath the fluffy top layer. Just like a frozen milkshake.
5) Do not, I repeat do not lick the flagpole. Stay inside and watch a nice movie instead. Maybe make it a marathon. Oh! Make it a Lord of the Rings marathon! That’ll keep you occupied for hours… Or make you fall asleep.
That’s all for my list at the moment.
Stay warm and stuff. Or don’t. You can live dangerously. With flip flops. Just not around me.
And remember, should you need to cut open a tauntaun, always cut with the grain of fur, not against.