JUNGLE OF NOOL—Horton the elephant released a statement earlier today while relaxing in a pool at his residence in Nool.
After coming under fire recently from progressive Nool state representatives and other Big-Life activists demanding an apology from Horton for his Small-Life altruism, Horton himself released a statement to the Let’s Digress News Network during a Skype call.
“Look, I didn’t always believe life could exist that small. I thought life only existed for those of us who are big, and tall. Quite frankly, I’m appalled at this anti-science caterwaul.”
The elephant went on to elaborate that he didn’t always believe life existed on that small of a scale. He explained, “I thought life was just for us larger folks. But the more I researched, the more I learned that kind of thinking was all just a hoax.”
When asked if he was going to capitulate to their incensed demands and issue an apology, he said, “I will absolutely not apologize. A life is a life, regardless of size.”
Horton the elephant best known for his humanitarian efforts and singletrunkededly saving the lives and livelihoods of countless small Nool residents.
This is a developing story and we at the LDNN will update you as the news updates us.