Let's Digress

The Toddler Chronicles, No. 6

The Toddler Chronicles, No. 6


A few days ago, Gabby, the girls, and I were packing to go spend a few hours at a pumpkin farm…

I was doing the usual dad stuff and loading everything into the car (because I’m a big strong man) while Gabby got the girls dressed so they would look appropriately fall-ish.

When I came back inside from putting the wagon into the Subaru, it sounded like I had walked in on that scene from Lord of the Rings where Éowyn had just stabbed a Nazgûl and it was doing the high-pitched death shriek. In this case, Lyla was the Nazgûl and Gabby was Éowyn but instead of impaling her with a sword she was impaling her with a crazy frightening mom glare.

Personally, I would’ve preferred the sword to the face over the glare, but that’s just learned wisdom that Lyla will have to come by firsthand.

After some inquiring once the ringing in my ears had subsided, I discovered that the vocal cord straining was because Gabby had the nerve to inform Lyla that she needed to wear a jacket since it was all of 44º outside.

The ginger Nazgûl was given two jacket options to pick from: 1) a very nice pink Carhartt zip-up hoodie or 2) an equally nice Sherpa zip-up hoodie with ears on the hood.

Gabby tagged me in, so I presented the options to her again, and again she assertively declined using her shrieking voice. That also led to Lyla not wanting to wear her autumn-chic shirt with pumpkins that she was currently sporting.

It was time to go, and since I’m the big strong dad man, I thought I could just stuff her into the jacket. My inner monologue at the time said, “I do jiu-jitsu, ambulance stuff with combative patients, and I pinned kids down in the ER to get sutures more times than I can count. I can stuff this child into this jacket. She’ll protest, but I’ll win and then we’ll leave. I’m bigger and stronger and have opposable thumbs. I got this.”

Boy, was I mistaken. I certainly did not have it. Not at all.

I waited until she turned away from me to protest at Gabby and then I grabbed her, shoved the jacket over her head, and tried to snake an arm through the sleeve.

At the same time, she rag-dolled into a thrashing heap and yelled some more, which the jacket successfully muffled. It was the toddler version of when an animal control person tries to relocate an alligator and the alligator doesn’t cooperate and nearly pulls the animal control person into the water with them.

After that unsuccessful attempt, Gabby attempted to reason with Lyla again and took her up to her room to assess her other attire options.

I’m not sure what went on up there, but there was more shrieking, and about 15 minutes later they both came down happy.

Lyla was wearing a completely different shirt. One with a butterfly this time. We left with her carrying the jacket after she had wrapped herself up in a blanket.

It’s still unclear who actually won the encounter, but it definitely wasn’t me.

Anyway, here are some ducks communicating with the ginger Nazgûl.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *